i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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