Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
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She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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