her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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