if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
