this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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