I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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