I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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