watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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