Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All the doctor said was why
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
