you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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