My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
