i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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