he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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