I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
