Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
