i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
