did you get engaged???
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
