so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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