he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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