i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
