she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
