True but thats because hes a fetus.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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