It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
