it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
