Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
