he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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