Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
