we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
