Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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