grandma shit on top of the toilet
I puked a lego.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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