I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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