I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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