You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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