Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
