omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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