I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize