New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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