____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
wow bdsm is so cute
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
