I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
