Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
