I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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