just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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