getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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