where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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