He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
