so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
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Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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