WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
