I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
