There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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