Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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