Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
