That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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