just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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