Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
false alarm. still invincible.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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