Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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