The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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