i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
