And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
