i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
