Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
