hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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