Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
