Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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