she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
