Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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