Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
