so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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