Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
