Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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