Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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