Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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